Friday, February 18, 2011



HERE. Put this salve on it.

Oh yeah. We're in the trenches. The eczema patches, hives, stinky feet, soured hair, and too many other grossities to name. Maybe it isn't too many. Maybe it's too much information. At any rate, I live with three male humanoids. 'Nuff said?

No. Not enough. I hardly think so.

Every time I open my toiletries drawer, I am amazed by the sheer number of tubes, bottles, spray cans, tins, creams, salves, and homemade or home mixed remedies that are before me. The next one contains every possible shape, size, color, and type of bandage available to man or woman - or thirteen year old or nine year old.

And here's the sad part. They haven't been there forever. The contents of both drawers turns over at such a rate that occasionally, I scratch my head and entertain the inconceivable thought that perhaps our home is being used for an Urgent Care while I'm away. I check inventory before each grocery trip. Something always needs replacing.

How can one family go through THAT MUCH Benadryl spray? THIS MANY finger bandaids? I should purchase stock in Neosporin. No, wait. Polysporin. I forget since I've bought generic brands for so long that my kids call it Krogersporin. I've been banned from buying Bactine. My kids hate it because it stings and NO Mom, blowing it does NOT help, 'specially if you're trying to REMOVE germs.

I have products in these drawers that my kids love to show their friends so they can all get a good giggle-snort-smirk. Udder Cream and Butt Paste are two of the current faves. I got rid of the Lansinoh a year ago. Couldn't bear the questions anymore.

So. Here in the infirmary of scabs and rashes, peeling skin and unidentified blotches am I. Go ahead, Bandaid Brand. Come out with a new type of Bandaid. I'll be the first to buy it. Neosporin, love your little purse sized spray. So did all seven soccer players on Jared's team with bug bites last week. Advil, love that purse sized tube. I refill it often.

Hi, I'm Caren. I'm a First Aid Junkie.